One sunny morning in Glasgow camp site, my mother, my older sister Elizabeth and I decided to go for a walk on our way to complain about the next door neighbours because they had been kicking a football at our caravan. This wouldn’t have been so bad if the football hadn’t turned out to be a dead hedgehog. When we got to the office the lady said, ’Ye canna expect me to risk ma life. Those eedjets will kick ma heid in!’ so we bought some chocolate for the walk. Bad idea! Outside there were: horse flies, midges and flies...... and we had chocolate! Within 2 seconds we had eaten it all so we were ok.
Elizabeth and I thought we were going to walk down the road but no we had to walk through a field and just to make it worse we were wearing flip-flops! So we trekked through the mud and long grass until we came to a barbed wire fence. I asked my sister to go and see if there was any water to wash our feet in, so she climbed over to see and said that there was a stream running all the way down the field. So I asked my mum to help me over the wire fencing so she did, but I wouldn’t call it help, she dropped me on a boulder and I banged my head! When I got to the “river” I stared at the chocolate milkshake. It wasn’t a river it was liquidised DUNG! And I had just stepped in it. As it oozed between my toes I screamed and ran.
On the way down the field we heard something and looked over our shoulders and saw a cow. Oh no! It wasn’t a cow - it was a … BULL!!! And to make it worse it was the time when the cows had their calves (they snorted and bellowed, spooked by the squelch, squelch noise our flip flops were making.) We ran for our lives to the end of the field where there was a wooden gate to get over onto the road. I’d hidden my bike in a bush so Elizabeth immediately sat on the seat and I clung onto her back as thousands of horse flies chased after our dung feet. We snatched the caravan keys from our mum and raced down the road at 100 miles per hour, leaving our mum behind with our two adorable Scottish “brown” westies.
We got back and we both raced to the shower to clean all the flies off. The next morning I found that I had been attacked! My whole body was itching and full of angry red mounds from the carnivorous midges and horse flies. Ever since I’ve never forgiven my mother for that traumatic experience in Glasgow. But guess where we’re going next year? Glasgow, of course. Best place in the world!