Time to connect: our mother & daughter escape to Lou Calen, Provence

A peaceful Provence family holiday at Lou Calen in Cotignac was just the space and time Phoebe Oliver and her teenage daughter, Esme, needed to reconnect with each other.

There’s a particular sort of tension that exists in a house with a teenage daughter. One day, I’m her best friend, summoned for outfit approvals, pulled into late-night gossip and whispered confessions from the boys in the house. The next, I’m the reason she’s dying of embarrassment in public for simply eating too loudly… Esme is 16, and if you’ve ever lived with a teenager, you’ll know exactly what I mean when I say: our connection, while rooted in love, often requires a delicate dance of distance and closeness.

So, when I suggested a mother-daughter Provence family holiday to Lou Calen in Cotignac, I braced myself for an eye roll or an uninterested shrug.

To my surprise, she said yes. Though I suspect the idea of GCSE revision round a pool in Provence had more to do with it than any burning desire to spend uninterrupted time with her mother.

Lou Calen, Cotignac, Provence ©Hervé Fabre

Lou Calen doesn’t just host you, it holds you

Lou Calen is one of those rare places that doesn’t just host you, it holds you. Nestled in the heart of Cotignac, one of France’s most beautiful villages, its gardens, terraces and golden-hued architecture feel like something from a dream. For Esme, who’s doing art for GCSE, and sees the world in light and form, a Provence family holiday was instant inspiration.

“It’s giving Van Gogh,” she said on day one, perched under a tree with her sketchbook, the late afternoon sun streaming through the olive branches.

I watched her sketch with the kind of focus that only art can unlock in her. Her phone lay forgotten, and that alone was worth the airfare, it felt like a small miracle.

What I didn’t expect, though, was how deeply the trip would root us back into each other.

Terrasse du Bastidon, Lou Calen ©Melanie Retamar

Discovering unexpected connections on our Provence family holiday

Horse riding was the first surprise. Esme’s been riding for years: one of the few passions that’s weathered the storms of teenage life. I used to ride, but hadn’t in a long time, and was secretly nervous I’d be more comedy than competence in the saddle. But she lit up when I suggested it, so I couldn’t back out after seeing that spark in her.

We rode through the countryside just outside Cotignac: undulating vineyards, almond trees in bloom, the air fragrant with wild herbs, and not a car in sight. She looked like she belonged there, her legs wrapped round her steed, confident, and completely at ease.

I, on the other hand, spent the first 20 minutes trying to remember how to sit without tensing every muscle. But somewhere between my own awkwardness and her graceful ease, there was this unspoken exchange: her pride that I was trying, my pride that she was leading. It was grounding, and a million miles away from our day-to-day.

View of Cotignac from Lou Calen ©Hervé Fabre

The Provencal sun seems to melt away teenage attitude

Then came tennis, her other love, and another arena where she confidently outpaces me. We volleyed under the Provençal sun on the Lou Calen grounds, both engaging in gentle banter on the other’s style, pretending it wasn’t as competitive as it absolutely was. There’s something about the rhythm of sport that breaks down barriers, no phones, no distractions, just you and the person across the net. We were just two people, swatting away both tennis balls and whatever teenage attitude had followed us from Brighton.

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Jardin Secret, Lou Calen

Jardin Secret, possibly the most magical experience on our Provence family holiday

But the real magic happened that evening at Jardin Secret, Lou Calen’s Michelin Green Star restaurant.

It’s not just a place you eat; it’s a place you experience.

There’s no printed menu, just a conversation with chef Benoît Witz, who tailors the evening around local ingredients available that day. For Esme, a teenager with a keen interest in eating well, it was unforgettable.

She lit up as Benoît spoke directly to her, asking what she liked, letting her smell ingredients, even bringing her into the creative process of plating. Watching her be taken seriously, not as a child but as someone with taste and curiosity, she glowed under the attention, every word from him drawing her in.

Le Potager, Lou Calen

An atmosphere that’s conducive to easy conversation, even with a teen

We were served an artichoke dish, something she’d never tried before. She eyed it suspiciously, poking at it like it might bite back, but then took a cautious forkful, paused, and said, “Okay… that’s actually unreal.”

High praise from a 16year old indeed. Watching her curiosity shift into genuine delight reminded me how open she still is beneath the teenage armour. Still learning, still brave enough to try something new, even if she’d never admit that out loud.

We sat under the stars, the air still warm, cicadas chirping in the background, and we talked, really talked. About friendships, the pressure of exams, what scares her, what excites her. She even asked me questions. Willingly. Without sarcasm. It felt like a temporary ceasefire in the teen-mum cold war, and I savoured every word.

Lavender and beehives, Lou Calen, Provence

Lou Calen’s microbrewery creates what might be the best beer I’ve ever tasted

On one of the last afternoons on our Provence family holiday, we wandered into La Tuf, Lou Calen’s in-house microbrewery, a modern nod to the region’s ancient traditions. Esme was captivated by the process.

She’s too young to drink, of course, but we both loved watching how something so historic could be made to feel so new. The brewmaster, Michele, was warm and generous, letting Esme smell different hops and even sketch a few pieces of the equipment.

While she filled pages with line drawings and questions, I sipped what might have been the best beer I’ve ever tasted: crisp, complex, and somehow sunlit. I stood back and watched her absorb it all, her mind fizzing with ideas, her independence quietly asserting itself in the most beautiful way.

Children’s pool, Lou Calen, Provence ©Hervé Fabre

More mother & daughter bonding moments

We also spent time at Centre d’Art La Falaise, the contemporary gallery tucked within a beautifully restored 19th-century farmhouse on the Lou Calen estate.

The space, once home to a silkworm farm, now hosts rotating exhibitions that celebrate both local and international artists.

When we visited, a mix of abstract landscapes and striking sculptures were on display, pieces that seemed to echo the wild beauty of the Provençal surroundings. Esme wandered around slowly, absorbing each detail, occasionally jotting notes or sketches in the margins of her book. And it was yet another moment in this Provence family holiday that sparked a conversation between us, this time about how art doesn’t always need to explain itself, sometimes it just needs to be felt.

Yoga, Provence family holiday, Lou Calen ©Hervé Fabre

A Provence family holiday at Lou Calen gave us room to laugh, reflect and rediscover

Our Provence family holiday gave us more than a break, more than beauty. It gave us room. Room to laugh, to reflect, to rediscover each other outside of our usual roles. It reminded me that connection isn’t always grand or dramatic. Sometimes it’s found in a shared silence, a sketchbook, a tennis serve, a spoonful of something extraordinary under the stars.

Since coming home, we’ve returned to our usual dance. She still glares at me when I try to harmonise with spotify selection du jour,  I still occasionally remember to  knock before entering and am met with “WHAT?” even though I haven’t said a word. But there’s more softness now.. More of a knowing glance when she sees a lavender sprig, or a cheeky grin when she pretends to impersonate my very questionable tennis technique.

We both know what we shared in Cotignac. And I think, deep down, we’re already planning our next escape. Bring on Marrakech….

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